The Chaos of Nobility

Waging war against the veil of perfectionism in motherhood

No excuses.  Really, not one.  Oh, I have LOTS of reasons that I’ve been MIA, but if I tell you all of them, you would think I’m crazy.  And you would feel sorry for me.  Trust me, it’s nuts.  So… I won’t spend several minutes telling you all the amazing yet crazy things that have stolen my attention and sanity for the last few weeks.  Well, maybe one reason…

 

Life got busy at the end of the school year, and with everyday that passed without me writing, that little voice in my head got louder and louder.  You know that one.  The one that is always there, waiting for an opportunity to remind you of how much you don’t measure up.  Nevermind that what you’re not measuring up to is the impossible standard that you set for yourself.  The one that no one else expects you to meet.  Stupid little voice.

 

It started off quietly… Just a little nudge here and there.  “Are you SURE you want to spend your time writing this blog?  I mean, its hard to be that raw and honest.  You’re basically telling people what your everyday crazy looks like.”  And with each passing day it got louder and more convincing.. “You don’t have anything to say that anyone wants to hear.  You’re wasting your time.”  Then eventually it became another thing that I failed at.  “See, what did you expect?  You’ve never been good enough.  Just another failure to add to the list.”

 

So what did I do?  I’d like to tell you that I pulled up my big girl panties and sucked it up.  I’d like to tell you that I rebuked that voice and followed MY truth.  The REAL truth.  But this blog is about being honest, no matter how ugly.  I . GAVE . IN .   I gave up and I gave in and I allowed the lie of the enemy to become my reality.  I bathed my soul in lies.  And I forgot my WHY.  I forgot the reason I started this journey in the first place…

 

You see, it doesn’t matter if I’m interesting.  Or if people enjoy reading what goes on in my head and life.  This all started because comparison is the thief of joy.  It slaughters it.  Everywhere we turn, we see people doing life better than we are.  They have their pinterest drenched, facebook soaked, perfect masks on.  AND WE FALL FOR IT!!  We look at it through an already discontent mindset.  We go to these sites because of boredom or habit.  But really, the whole time, we’re comparing their “life” to ours.  “Look how skinny she is!  WOW!  She’s had a bunch of kids, and she looks amazing.  Why don’t I look like that?  That’s not fair!  I need to workout more.  That’s right, I’ll just workout and diet.  I’ll figure it out.  I’ll get there.”

 

But because we started off this whole endeavor with a spirit of discontent, instead of a grateful, full heart, we will not achieve our “goal” no matter what we do.  Even if we do lose a little weight, we still will compare ourselves to an even fitter person.  It just doesn’t end.  And we’ll always feel like a failure.  Houses, cars, relationships, it’s all just an opportunity for misery or joy.  And we get to decide, to choose.

 

That’s why I started writing.  Because this is a struggle in my life and surely I can’t be alone?  There have to be more people who feel like they never measure up, right?  And this sucks.  It feels awful.  Maybe by talking about it, we can mutually lift one another up.  Even just knowing you’re not the only one struggling against the veil of perfectionism.  Just knowing you’re not alone…

 

So, there it is.  There’s the REAL reason that I have been missing.  All the other drama that has owned my time and attention was just extra.  I’m not saying it’s been an easy couple of weeks.  Did I mention I have 7 kids?:)  I’m just saying I want to be honest.  And real.

 

So, I’m committing to showing up at least twice a week.  I’d love to up it to three, but I want to set REALISTIC goals.  I mean, it is the summer.  And all my kiddos are home all day.  And it’s REAL HOT here in Texas.  We have about a two hour window from when we wake up, before it’s unbearable.  After that, we’re talking permanent damage.  It’s bad.  Unless you’re a mosquito, then it’s heaven… 🙂

 

family swing pic

 

7 thoughts on “I’m BAAACCCKKKKK….

  1. jlmelensky says:

    Love this and love you! I’ve been wondering where you went! So glad to hear you are coming back because comparison is my joy thief and it’s so refreshing to see other women who are not perfect and have the guts to show it!! ❤️❤️

    Like

    1. Kim Nobles says:

      Hey there!! I miss you sweet friend. I have been following your journey thru facebook. What a blessing! I know you are so happy to finally be where your heart has been for so long! Love and miss you!

      Like

  2. Amber says:

    I would have to totally agree. We as women constantly compare ourselves to “how everyone else is doing it” or “how much prettier she is.” We are all human. If we as women lifted each other up can you imagen what could happen? Thank for the reminder. We all get lost in “life”.

    Like

    1. Kim Nobles says:

      If we all used our energy to encourage and strengthen one another, I think we would struggle so much less. And just realizing you’re not the only one feeling desolate can be comforting too. Everyone struggles. We’re not alone.

      Like

      1. Mama says:

        Well I came home from a busy day cleaning the soon to be sold house and my new house looked like they had a party no one told me about. I’m angry and frustrated because why is it always Mom’s place to clean up after everyone? What is so very hard about picking up after yourself when your done? Why is that an impossible task? They all look at me like it’s just a toy or just a piece of mail but it’s mom’s sole purpose in life to pick it all up!! I am determined that I will succeed and win this battle!! Who am I kidding!

        Like

      2. Kim Nobles says:

        Hey Mama. I’m sorry you had a stressful day. I so know what that’s like. And you’re on round 2! You’ve already done this whole thing once! Keep it up. We’re all grateful for your hard work and dedication. Love you so much!

        Like

  3. Keilah says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I have been in a similar situation for about 3 weeks and sis, you just gave me the encouragement to get up and do what has to be done. I can no longer live my life to others expectations. I need to live my life for me and God. For my baby sister, you are truly wise. Thank you

    Like

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